It's amazing to see God's grace when we take risks. After many months of working on a project for my internship I have found that my zeal for it has died down quite a bit. Sitting here day after day working on the same old thing has taken a toll on my stability level. Week after week and month after month I get anxious and nervous to report to my boss on my progress. It seems as if the progression level is about the same size as my attention span.
Today, after many weeks of procrastinating and getting hardly any progression on my work, I realized I needed to be honest and come clean with my boss before I found myself in a big hole. I told myself, "Fess up, Amy. Just tell him you don't think it will be done this week, that it's taking slower, and you aren't getting much done." The last thing I said to myself was that I would just have to take the beating; face the repercussions. So I went in his office for the one hundredth time to discuss my timing on the project, but this time I was just going to be as honest as I could be. I told him just that; I told him that I am only about halfway through the translation process and that I'm having to go back and re-check things. I told him I was going much slower than I thought and that I knew I needed more time. I said I did not want to disappoint him on my deadline but I just had to be honest about it. He laughed and said he was so glad I came and told him that. In fact, he said that me saying those things had an opposite effect. He was happy I said something so he knew what I needed. He was glad to give me more time. Furthermore, it's imperative that I DO take my time on it; turning in something that isn't checked over and over again would not be smart or excellent. This project will be going out to officials and professionals so everything must be correct. Then I went further and told him that I needed other things to do because I find myself looking around and procrastinating. He laughed again and said he understood completely. His words: "You need a break from it!" He just smiled and nodded his head in affirmation the whole time.
Now, I decided to take a risk (knowing that I could have been given a polite yet much deserved slap on the hand for it). If I had not of taken the risk I would have found myself in a worse situation. I may not have seen it today, but the outcome of would have definitely been seen soon or later. Because I took that risk I was given grace and favor. Did you hear that?
Because I took the risk (getting out of my boat of comfort) I was given grace and favor!
Wow! Just the other night I told John (my brother) that I really desired to be (I hesitate to say 'tested' although it's almost too true)...I desire to be put in a place where I MUST depend on God and His Word. Let me use the example I told him: When I say I am getting out of the boat we all know it means I am stepping out of my comfort zone, right? Right. But what I KNOW (hear it again, I KNOW) God wants from me is to step out of the boat so that He can take the boat out of the water and out from my arm's reach so that I must use all of my faith, trust, hope, and dependability on Him. It's not enough that I get out of the boat. I must let go of the side and stand out in the middle of the sea, vulnerable and naked before Him. Now don't start picturing this in your head, you know what I mean. It's the idea of being naked that we realize how vulnerable we are.
If you really think about it, when we are naked we are MOST vulnerable...in almost every situation possible. Adam and Eve experienced this to a large extent. Think about all of this: they ate from the tree they weren't supposed to eat from, they hear the voice of God, and suddenly they realize they are naked and they hide. Why would they hide because they realized for the first time they are naked? Part of this doesn't make sense, right? So what if they were naked! God used that moment to teach them and us a something: he used nakedness to teach us vulnerability. Yes, they sinned and that is what brought on their punishment. Could this be one of the ways they were punished? God put them in a place of vulnerability so that they would be attentive to listen to His voice.
Much like when I am out in the sea with nothing to grip I am forced to listen to His voice.
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